I’ll be honest… When I think of 2011, I don’t exactly have “light” thoughts. It was a hard year for me in many ways, and at the end of it, I found myself incredibly tired and depleted. It was only when I started to jot down all the highlights in the year’s last couple of days, that I was able to feel a sense of compassion for myself and my year. Somehow by recounting all the events, I was able to transcend all those overwhelming days and find that there was a lot of good work and beauty in it as well. So, inspired by this beautiful post by Amy, and in honor of our humanity and the comfort we get when we realize that our stories are different yet very much the same behind the curtains of our blogs, here is what I have to share of my 2011 with you.

In 2011:

I cared for a sick baby (my own baby!) with a serious infection that would not bend. But then, after 4 arduous months, it finally did bend. She is healthy as can be.

I felt the most scared and the most vulnerable I’ve ever felt in my entire life.

It was a year of so many firsts too.  I watched her roll over, sit and stand up for the first time. I fed her solids for the first time. I heard her first word. Saw her take the first step, then walk and run for the first time. She flew for the first time, and then she flew three times more. Four round trips in one year, two international flights, and two before she turned one.

Then she did turn one, and we had her first birthday party!

We spent a month in Brazil. On the beach.

Then my mom spent over a month with us in San Francisco. And later, Rich’s mom visited us for 2 weeks. I mothered and I was mothered by our mothers as well. There was such beauty in watching ourselves as 3 generations and listening to all the stories told by both grandmas. I learned so much about myself, my husband, our mothers, our fathers, generations past, our childhood and theirs, and about all of us as a new family.

I breastfed and I pumped A LOT. I got overwhelmed. I got mastitis. Then I stopped and began to miss it immediately.

I was screwed by a client who backed out and did not pay me after over a month’s worth of my daily hard work. I learned my lesson to make sure a contract is signed and a deposit is collected. I learned that I am too giving and naive, because I love my job too much and because I’m trusting. I learned that I need to respect myself as a professional.

I passed on a collaboration that looked good, but was not the right one for me.

I taught at the Makerie and at Shutter Sisters Camp. I loved both experiences and I was reminded of how much I love teaching!

We spent 4 lovely days together in Colorado (thanks to the Makerie!).

We visited Denise and Cedar in San Diego.

I fell in love with 35mm film and Impossible film. Color. Black and White.

I missed Burning Man again. That is my soul cleansing place and I really hate missing out on it.

I shot some new work for my portfolio and collaborated with LOOK models and two of their beauties.

I shot SF Fashion Week.

I was featured in two great e-courses: Creative Courage and A Path for Wanderers and Edge Walkers. I was interviewed by Jaimie Ridler and by Kimberly Wilson in their respective Creative Living series of podcasts, and by Bella Cirovic at her 52 Photos Project.  I told my story about how Art Saves at Crescendo, and I was invited to contribute to the wonderful e-course Hello Soul Hello Business (which I will tell you more about in my next posts!)

My Gypsy Girls Guide contributors gifted me with a year long series of posts on that blog, while I took time to focus on my personal life. What a lovely and enthusiastic bunch! It makes me happy that we got published together in a beautiful article on Somerset Life in honor of our collaboration.

We traveled to the UK as a family. I felt that way I always feel when I am in London, the same way I felt the first time I was there in 1990: strangely at home.

I made some wonderful new friends. {You know who you are!} And I was able to hug some dear faraway friends in person too. {Miss you all already}

I met Jeanine Caron. Oooh la la!

I dreaded that we could not see each other.

I sketched ideas for 6 book proposals, 2 new workshops, an online magazine, an e-book and an e-course! I have soooo much work to do and lots of launching ahead! Apparently, motherhood drains me physically, but charges me intellectually :)

I found a daycare for Gabi. I pulled her back 3 days later. It was traumatic for both of us. I don’t want to hear that it is always hard, etc. I want to find the right place. That wasn’t it.

I had moments where I felt like a super woman, and many others (these were the majority) where I felt like complete failure as a mom, wife, daughter, friend and professional. I cried many unspoken tears.

I realized I’d been victim of a medical error that may have a lifetime of consequences for me. 2011 has been a year of numerous dc’s appointments. That’s been rough. Please don’t ask.

I went to therapy for the first time in my life. I liked it. I’m going to keep it up in 2012.

I saw my entire universe crumble. Then I watched it rise back, stronger.

We had the best months of November and December. Best sunsets EVER.

Finally, I had chosen the word LOVE for 2011 and thought I’d experience a lovefest of some sort in my life. I’m not gonna lie. As the year progressed, I felt skeptical and disappointed to say the least. In the end though, I realized that I needed to hold onto LOVE more than anything… In 2011, LOVE was what sustained me in all areas of my life.

“Only love can be divided endlessly and still not diminish.”  Anne Morrow Lindberg

***

How about you? Did you review your year? If not, you still have time. It feels good, I swear.

Now onto a fresh start for all of us!

xo

Gabi was born to a family of sailors and lovers of the sea, so these images I captured on our little day trip to Half Moon Bay mean so much to us. She loves boats and actually already says the word “boat”. She kept waving from the dock: Hi, boat! Bye Bye boat! :)